I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
