kristin has been a bad kristin
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
