Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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