Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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