dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
