i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
