btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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