went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
