dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
These tits shall not be calmed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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