Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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