i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
