I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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