there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
50% drunk capacity currently
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
