the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
