creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
