hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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