Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize