Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
