Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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