end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
