Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
