I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want her autograph on my taint
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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