i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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