babies were throwing up all over the place
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
