just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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