Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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