RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
