Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
