she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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