Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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