found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
