You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
