He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
