Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
