She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
