do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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