The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
