You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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