someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you never un-have a 4some
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
