she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
