Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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