And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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