He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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