Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
