Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize