I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
