Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
