So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize