Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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