I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
