after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
