moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
