Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
