I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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