the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
