babies were throwing up all over the place
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
