i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
