well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
