I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
