woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
