I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
