just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
