ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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