I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
