I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize