Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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