i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize