You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
