im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
