Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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